Gluteus maximus
by Ellex
Summary: Extended and missing scenes from the beginning of Sateda: an indepth look at McKay's thoughts.


Spoilers for 'Sateda'

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

OOOOOOOOOO

The sudden pain in my ass was so startling, I think the surprise hurt worse than the actual wound at first. I craned my head around to see the long wooden shaft protruding from the cloth of my BDU's, and couldn't quite comprehend what I was seeing.

"That did not just happen!"

Well, it _was_ happening. I just couldn't believe it. Of all the places the arrow could have hit me, how could it be _there_. Was the guy aiming for my ass, or what? If he was, why? And if he wasn't – well, he was either a very poor shot or I'd been lucky, because there were more life-threatening places the arrow could have hit.

If I'd thought getting hit by an arrow in my ass was painful, it was nothing next to the excruciating pain of running with an arrow in my ass. I could hardly move my right leg, and every time I did, I could feel the arrow shift and dig into my flesh. I dragged the leg most of the way back to the gate, and when Sheppard let go of me and turned back, I practically fell onto the DHD.

"Go on, we'll be right behind you!"

I had a horrible image in my head of someone reaming a liposuction tube into the cheek, poking and prodding and tearing. I wanted nothing more than to collapse onto my stomach and stay as absolutely still as possible, but the whine of more arrows winging kept me upright. By now the pain had escalated into a burning that spread across my back and down my legs, and I dialed Atlantis with shaking hands. Another arrow whizzed past me, and a burst of fury and fear spurred me towards the wormhole, firing my P-90 blindly at the archer.

I fell through the event horizon, the impact with the floor sending another burst of pain through me that, oddly, actually cleared my head. I gasped for breath, knowing I was getting air into my lungs but feeling like it wasn't helping, my vision blurred with tears. I didn't see Elizabeth until she was right beside me.

"Rodney?" Her soft voice, full of concern, was such a welcome sound. "Hey, where are the others?"

I hooked a thumb over my shoulder and groaned, "They're right behind me."

Then I heard the wormhole disperse.

I tried to turn over to see it, the words running through my head again: 'That did not just happen!' I didn't just lose my entire team, didn't just fall through the Stargate with an arrow in my ass, wasn't lying here helpless. I couldn't be. I tried to roll onto my side. I needed to get up, get moving, get back through the gate and get them back.

I wasn't thinking clearly, that's certain. All I knew was that suddenly the incredible pain that made every movement a misery was unimportant next to the fact that Sheppard, Teyla and Ronon were out there, in trouble and without me. The last thing I wanted was to have my life threatened – yet again – but wherever they were, that was where I should be. I'd found my place in the universe, and it was with those three people: my teammates, my friends. The people who knew me better than I knew myself, who brought out the best in me.

The trip to the infirmary was a blur of noise and lights and more jostling. By now, I was locked into an endless litany of agony, both mental and physical. I couldn't stay still, both because of the conviction that I needed to be out there getting my team back, and because the pain from my ass kept making the muscles of my leg and lower back twitch and jump, causing even more pain.

And then Carson was there. Thank god for Carson. I clutched at his sleeve and told him raggedly that I had to get back out there, that he needed to get the arrow out of my ass, but with as little damage as possible because I was kind of attached to it – my ass, I mean. I needed it for sitting.

I probably wasn't really making much sense at this point.

He gave me something that dulled the pain, but getting my clothes off: tac vest, jacket, T-shirt, boots, and then cutting my pants off, involved a fair amount of movement that made it flare up again. I could hear a quiet, continuous whimpering, and after a minute realized that it was me.

I still couldn't seem to catch my breath, and a nurse hooked a tube under my nose for oxygen and started an IV while Carson used the Ancient medical scanner on me.

"Come on, Carson," I said desperately. "Get it out, please, get it out. I have to – to tell them where to go, where the village is."

He leaned over me and gripped my shoulder. "You need to lie still, Rodney. Stop squirming, I can't get a clear picture with the scanner. I need to know how deep it went and how much damage has been done from all your gallivanting about."

I made an effort – I really did – but I couldn't stay still. I was shivering, clutching at the sheet under me, and I just wanted that damn arrow out. I reached behind me, found the shaft, and tried to pull it out.

Bad idea. Very bad, incredibly bad – extraordinarily bad idea.

Carson said a word I hadn't thought he knew, gave me another shot, and after a few minutes I stopped screaming and everything became warm and pleasant and a little surreal.

There was almost no pain anymore, just an uncomfortable pressure somewhere behind me. Odd, disjointed thoughts ran through my head, constantly disrupted by the brightly twinkling lights on the machines around me. All I could hold onto was the conviction that I'd lost something…someone.

Some indeterminable time later, I heard Elizabeth's voice, then Carson's, saying something about morphine.

Morphine was nice. Morphine was my friend.

A loud, commanding voice caught my attention. "How far is the gate from the village?"

Gate…village…that reminded me of what I'd lost. "Have you seen a guy around?" I asked vaguely. "He looks like you, but he's got messy hair." I could see him in my mind, but couldn't put a name to him. Then again, I wasn't certain I could put a name to myself at the moment. "I think I lost him somewhere…and – an' a – an' a pretty girl – an' a caveman." The memory of them made me smile.

"I may have given him a wee bit too much, but he was making it impossible for me to treat him."

There were more voices, loud ones, saying things that seemed much too complicated and unimportant next to the thing in my nose that was drying out my sinuses.

So what was I doing here, when I was should be with the guy with messy hair? And the pretty girl? And the caveman? "'scuse me? Why am I lying here?"

Carson, helpful as ever, answered. "You have an arrow, Rodney, in your gluteus maximus."

An arrow? Ouch. "Oh. Well…that sounds painful." All that thinking, and asking questions, was wearing me out, so I laid my head back down on the nice, soft…whatever I was lying on.

Gluteus maximus. Interesting phrase. Kind of…rolled off the tongue in a nice way.

"Oh my god! That's my ass, isn't it?"

fin


End file.
